2014.12.30

 

如何講故事

最近一直希望自己能夠將所見所聞寫成一篇篇動人故事，設定寫故事目標，朝這目標邁進。

在英語有一個非常有用的技能就是要能夠講述故事或軼事。軼事是發生在你或你認識的人短篇小說。因此，如何說故事，要學習口語表達過去的事件，第一步，講故事，將想法連結編排。

故事結構從開始、繼續、中斷/新元素到結束，同時要注意時態：

開始

如果你要說的故事，別人已經說過，那麼可以這樣開始：

 ˙ 這讓我想起了！

 ˙ 同樣的事情也發生在我身上。

 ˙第一句話，開始講你的故事，或任何過去的事件。

繼續

用一個詞可以幫助您連接或繼續你的故事：

˙ 然後

˙ 之後

˙ 下一個

中斷/新元素的故事

當你的故事和某些元素都被加入，那麼你可以轉換話語，如：

˙ 突然

˙沒想到

結束

要結束，可用於故事的詞是：

˙最後

˙到底

˙最後

˙最後

時態

多元的時態是用來講述故事，例如：

˙現在式 - 用於講笑話，或者戲劇性的效果。

˙過去簡單式 – 依時間排序。

˙過去連續 - 用來形容正在進行的活動，在說故事的時候，或給一個背景。

  使用的詞彙範圍廣，增加故事趣味性。

How to tell a story

Recently has been seen and heard, I hope to be able to write an article touching stories, writing stories set goals towards this goal.

A very useful skill in English is to be able to tell a story or an anecdote. Anecdotes are short stories about something that happened to you or someone you know. So how to tell a story you will learn to convey past events in words.

First step to tell a story is to link your ideas together.

  Story structure from the beginning, continuing, interrupt ions/ new elements to the ending, keeping in mind the tenses:

Beginning

If you are going to tell your story after someone else has already spoken to you, then you can start by saying:

˙ That reminds me!

˙ Something similar happened to me.

˙ Words like Firstly, to start off with can help you to start telling your story or any past event.

Continuing

Words that help you to connect or continue your story are:

˙Then

˙After that

˙Next

Interruptions / New elements to the story

While you are telling your story and certain elements have to be added then you can use words like:

˙Suddenly

˙Unexpectedly

Ending

To end the story words that can be used are:

˙Finally

˙ In the end

˙Eventually

˙ Lastly

Tenses

Varieties of tenses are used to tell stories such as:

˙Present Tense -- used for telling jokes, or to give a dramatic effect.

˙Past simple- used to tell a story in a chronological order

˙ Past continuous -- used to describe activities in progress at the time of your story

  or give a background to it.

Use wide range of vocabulary to make your story interesting.

2014.12.16

 

 

幸福的步驟？

  幸福沒有簡單的步驟，幸福的變化有很多種，第一種是漸進式的，好像滴水穿石，一點一滴慢慢的，很花時間的。第二種方式是突發式的，好像大槌開山劈石，鑿出一條路一個隧道。對於這兩種變化或是所有形勢的變化，必須要注意的是，重點是要將變化持續下去，不是突然一變之後又恢復原狀。因此要注意的是變化不是藥到病除的靈丹妙藥，即便當我們舉起大槌，就是這舉起來的動作，也需要在之前做很多準備的工夫。

  舉例來說，漸進式的變化，包括每天都做感恩練習，慢慢成為一個尋找美好的人，逐漸看到更多積極事務，我們自身也將更容易產生變化，真知灼見不是憑空產生的，而是經過長時間準備後千錘百鍊得來，大家都知道靈感來自99%的汗水，所以說沒有靈丹妙藥，而且正是那種對靈丹妙藥的渴求，大家都很失望，很渴求，發現靈丹妙藥不管用的時候，就覺得自己出了問題。心想，如果我做完了五件事，我的人生就美滿，結果做完五件事，我卻沒有更快樂。沒有靈丹妙藥，任何事都需要時間，幸福沒有甚麼簡單的步驟。

 

No easy steps to happiness

  No easy steps to happiness. There are different kinds of change. The first approach- the gradual approach, like water wearing down stone, chipping away gradually slowly taking our time. The second approach- the acute change, the sledge hammer breaking stone creating a new pathway, a new channel. The important thing to keep in mind with both forms of changes, with all form of change, lasting change that is, which is what we are about. Not just the spike and the return to base level. The thing to keep in mind about change is that neither is quick-fix. Even when we pick up that sledge hammer, even when we pick it up, we need to do a lot of work before the preparation.

   So for example, gradual change, slow change would be doing the gratitude exercise everyday, slowly becoming more and more of a benefit finder, gradually looking more at the positive, that in and of itself makes us more likely to change. The great insight that doesn’t come in a vacuum. It comes after a lot of hard work after a lot of preparation. You know the 99% of perspiration that leads to that inspiration. So no quick-fix. And the believe in quick-fix, the expectation of the quick-fix that is one of the reasons people are frustrated. They are disappointed. They think there’s something wrong with them when they don’t succeed in the quick-fix. Think if I do these five things. I’d be happy for the rest of my life. And I do these five things. And I’m not happier. No quick-fix. It takes time. No easy steps to happiness.

 

2014.12.08

 

 

轉換與洞察力

  講故事，互相分享，分享和演講是有區別的：分享雙方都有收穫，演講是單行道，還有一種幫助別人的方式，工作回報，過程回報，很容易陷入對結果的回報中，也很容易忘記回報過程，但一定要注意回報的過程，要指出來「這是不錯的嘗試」，或者，「這真是太有趣了」-注重過程。

  這裡有三個M：放大、縮小和構造發明；另外有三個P，第一個P是允許自己為人；第二個P是積極的；第三個P是不經意的，將注意力轉向別處，就是根據自己的意願轉換角度的能力。這種轉換角度的能力是甚麼？這就是我們希望沉浸在當下的一種能力，也正是我們退一步，時間和空間上都退一步，問這樣的問題，「他真的有影響嗎？一年之後呢？或者更長遠來看呢？他真的很重要嗎？」同時隨心所欲地回來，能夠靈活地將思緒拉回來，沉浸於聽一首美妙的歌，或者和我們所愛的人在一起，說起來容易做起來難(但是知難行易呀!)。

  我們可以通過冥想來訓練我們的思想，通過對事物進行認知重建，我們可以訓練我們的思想，使其按照我們的意願來轉換。這裡有應用三個P的例子，第一個P許可接受，你壓力很大，你很沮喪，這些都沒有關係，即使你是一般人也沒有關係。第二件事就是尊重現實，此時有很多事情發生，「尊重現實，現實就是這樣」。第二個P是積極性，有甚麼好處呢？第一個好處就是，做少一點而非做多一點，這是很顯然的一個好處，因為它讓我們去思考。第二個好處就是當時我們想「我們現在又有一可以在課堂講的故事了，一個應用三個P的例子」，分心很簡單。

  一年之後這還會有影響嗎？我在工作前沒有鍛鍊，但同時我對自己說，我仍然希望能活在當下，於是我仍然在學校，再花一些時間，更平靜、更放鬆，將三個P應用於實際生活。允許自己接受他，關注積極的一面。

  最後就是轉換角度的能力，我甚麼時候要退一步問自己，「我現在需要如此傷神嗎？我甚麼時候想沉浸於當下？」我知道這三個P，之後的生活，它能幫助我。其實不是這樣，它更像是一種藥丸，要經常定期服用，也就是說當你每經歷一次困境，就應用三個P。應用的越多，生效就越快。認可、積極、轉換，現在就快很多了，因為我應用它，不斷練習它，所以要不斷地用它，多試幾次。

 

The Ability To Shift Perspective

 

  Telling stories, sharing. The difference between sharing and telling: Sharing, both of us get; telling is one way street. Another way to, to help other people, rewarding effort, rewarding the journey. It is so easy to fall into the track of rewarding outcome, and so easy to forget to reward the journey. But to really focus on rewarding the journey, on pointing out “ oh this was a great attempt” or “this was so much fun doing it”-the process.

  There are the three Ms: Magnifying. Minimizing. And Making-up, inventing. The other way, also have three Ps: the first P is the Permission to be human; The second P is Positive; The third P is Passing, is looking toward other place. Is about the ability to willingly shift perspective. What is this ability to shift perspective? It’s the ability when we want to be immersed in the here and now, in the present. And it’s the ability to , when we want, take a step back, zoom out both in time and in space, and ask the question, “ is this really going to matter? Or in a year? Or in a grand schema of things? Space? Is this really important?” And at the same time, go back almost at will. Have this flexibility to go back and be immersed when listening to a beautiful piece of music, or spending time with people we love. And again, it’s easier said than done.

  Over time, we can train our mind through meditation, through cognitively reframing things. We can train our mind to be able to make that shift almost at will. There an example of the 3-three Ps applies. First P, Permission. Acceptance. So you are stressed. So you are upset. It’s OK to be upset. It’s OK to be stressed. Even you are a general person, it’s all right. The second thing – respect for reality. This time a lot of things are happening. Respect for reality. It is what is. And then move on the Positive. So what’s the benefit here? So the first benefit is –Do less rather than more. So that’s certainly a benefit there. Because it got our thinking about it. The second benefit that we thought about at that moment” oh now we have another story to tell in class. An example of how we are applying the three Ps”. Distraction-very easy.

  Is this really going to matter a year from now that I didn’t exercise before a working, but at the same time, I said to myself ” I still want to be able to enjoy the here and now”. So I took my time, spent time with School. Stayed with here a few more, much more relaxed, much calmer, having applied the three Ps to an actual situation that arose. Permission to be human-acceptance. Focusing on the Positive-benefit finding.

    And finally, the ability to shift perspective, when do I want to zoom out and ask this “ do I need to sweat over it now? And when do I want to be immersed in the here and now?” I know about the three Ps. Now for the rest of my life, it’s going to help me. That’s not how it works. It works much more like a pill that you need to take on a regular basis, meaning if you are going through a difficult time, apply the three Ps. And the more you apply them, the faster it is. Permission. Positive. Perspective. It’s much faster now. Because I used it. Because I practiced it. So use it constantly. Try a few times.

 

2014.12.06

 

 

典範

人們追隨你的作為，不是照著你所說的去做

人在生命上應有的黃金定律是「人所不欲勿施於己」或「人所欲施於己」，如果你有一個非常在乎你的好朋友，或者家庭成員失敗了沒做好，你會怎樣對待他？你會排斥他嗎？你竟然沒有贏得比賽，你會怎樣對待他，你會擁抱他嗎？你會因此少愛他們一點嗎？當然不會。

  那麼我們為什麼要將這些不現實的，毫無共鳴的標準強加給自己呢？達賴喇嘛，當他開始大量接受西方文化時，被一樣東西困擾了，同情這個詞在藏語中叫做”tsewe”拚為”T-S-E-W-E”，這個詞在藏語中的意思，既是同情他人也是同情自己，所以他完全背英語的概念搞糊塗了，或者大多數西方文化，不只是英語文化中，當我們說到同情時，我們是指對別人的同情。他說「你們對自己沒有同情，又怎能對別人有同情呢？」自我是基礎。鉑金法則就是說對我們自己也要有同情。對待自己不能不同於對待別人，要有同樣的標準。要像接受別人以及自己所愛的人失敗一樣去接受自己的失敗。

  為什麼不呢？我們如何幫助別人？因為通常我們處理一段感情時，和完美主義者有感情的人，或者我們有個朋友是完美主義者的話，我們如何去幫助別人？首先要搞清楚一件重要的事是，幫助別人是非常困難的，處理完美主義問題。通常都從內部著手，他們渴望改變，因為這需要時間，不是立竿見影的，我從個人經歷中了解到這一點。即使這很困難，我們還是能去幫助別人，首先最重要的就是樹立榜樣，如果我能改變，成為一個追求卓越的人，享受過程，即使失敗也要慶祝，即使偶而挫折也要慶祝，那我就做出了榜樣。人們是照著你做的去做，而不是照著你說的去做。

 

Example

People do what you do rather than what you say

 

  Person have to” Golden Rule “, the rule says,” do not do unto yourself what you would not do unto others”. Or rather” do unto yourself what you do unto others. Now if a good friend of you, someone you really care about or a family member fails and doesn’t do well, what you’ll do with that person? Do you reject that person? “Oh you didn’t win this competition”. Is that how you treat them? Or do you embrace them? And do you love them any less for it? Of course not.

 

  Then why do we apply these unrealistic and non -compassionate standards to ourselves? Now the Dalai Lama, when he was first introduced to a lot of Western culture, was baffled by one very particular thing: by our usage of a word, compassion. The word in Tibetan is “tsew”,in English spelled “t-s-e-w-e”. The word in Tibetan means compassion on for others as well as for self. And he was really taking back by the notion that in English, when we talk about ,or in West in general- not just in English- when we talk about compassion, we talk about compassion for others. And he said” how can you have compassion for others when you don’t have compassion for yourself?” The foundation is the self. The Platinum Rule is about having compassion for ourselves as well. Not treating ourselves differently than we would others. Having similar standards. Accepting failure in the same way that we accepted in others, in people we love.

  After all, why not? How do we help other people? Because very often when we are in relationships, people are in relationships with a perfectionist or, we know a friend of ours is a perfectionist, how do we help other people? The first thing that is important to make very clear is that it is extremely difficult to help other people deal with perfectionism. It mostly has to come from within. They have to want a change, because it takes time. Doesn’t happen over night. I know it from personal experience. And yet, we can help, after accepting that it is difficult. The first most important thing to do is by example. If I can change, and become more a person committed to excellence, enjoy the journey, celebrate even failures, even falling down once in a while. Then I’m leading by example. People do what you do, rather than what you say.

2014.12.05
 

 

己所不欲勿施於人

我向別人尋求反饋，尋求批評，開始我要控制自己不去回應，不去頂嘴反駁。為什麼？因為批評是對正向的偏離，偏離那個基模。但我逐漸習慣了，這真的幫到了我，現在我更能夠包容批評。有時，我仍想回答，仍想頂嘴反駁，但整體而言，我藉由改變態度變得更好。我仍然在這，我還活著，屢戰屢敗，屢敗屢戰。

我們不一定要外在的表現出行為，我們也可以在內心中模擬，你的思想是無法分辨現實和想像的區別，因此我可以想像自己，看看自己，就像一個追求卓越的人一樣，大腦需要一致性，冥想也會有所幫助，因為冥想能使我們處於冷靜狀態，能夠接受事物是一種存在而非一種行為，當我們做為一種存在時，我們就能活在當下，我們就能享受過程，而不是總想著目的地，以及如果我達不到這個目標會怎樣。

這是我從書上學來的一個方法，是Samuel Coleridge說的，是英國的哲學家，活躍於18世紀末，19 世紀初，是影響愛默生的哲學家之一，他在寫作時經歷了這樣的瓶頸，寫作是他生命中最重要的一件事，但是他沒有辦法寫好。因為他害怕寫不出最好的文章或詩歌，所以他說：在我生命的結尾，我會寫出我的巨著，在那之前一切都只是草稿，這讓他得到解放，因為他不再焦慮了，他再也不用想著寫巨著。在同時他寫出無數優美的詩篇，有些是英文中最美的文字，以及許多非常強有力的，具有影響、結構精美的文章，而他們都只是「草稿」。這樣就沒有壓力了，它給我很大的幫助。當我想到這個時我說「好吧，看看完美主義，對我影響最深的領域吧，因為這個領域對我很重要，就是教學」。

因此訂一個終極目標可以讓自己解放，這是柏金法則，這黃金法則是：「己所不欲勿施於人」，或者說「己所欲方施於人」，這是方今許多道德體系和宗教信仰的基礎。

 

Do not do unto others what you would not have done unto yourself

 

I was started to solicit feedback from people, started to solicit criticism. Initially, literally I need to catch myself from responding, from attacking back. Why? Because criticism is the deviation from a straight narrow, from that schema. But overtime I got used to it. It actually helped me. And now I’m much open to criticism. Still, sometimes catch myself when I want to respond and attack back. But overall, I got better through behavior changing attitude. I’m still here, I survived. Learn to fail or fail to learn.

We don’t always have to act out in the world, we can also act in our internal simulator the mind doesn’t know the difference between the real thing and the imaginary thing. And therefore, I can imagine myself, see myself, acting as a person committed to excellence, the mind looks for consistency. Meditation in and of itself helps, cause meditation puts us in a state of mind of calm, of acceptance, a state of being, as opposed to state of doing. And when we are in a state of being we are here and now, we are enjoying the process, as opposed to constantly thinking about the destination, and what will happen if I don’t get to that destination.

This is a technique, method that I learn from books, that’s say from Samuel Coleridge the British philosopher, late 18^th century and the beginning of the 19^th century, one of the philosophers who influence our Ralph Waldo Emerson. He experienced this paralysis when he came to writing. Writing was the most important thing in his life. But he really couldn’t write well. Because he was so afraid of not writing the ultimate essay, or the ultimate poem. So here was what he did : he said, “well, at the end of my life, I will write my magnum opus. Until then, everything is rough draft”. And that liberated him. Because he wasn’t worried any more, now he never got to write his magnum opus. But at the meantime, he wrote dozens of beautiful poems, some of them the most beautiful in the English language and numerous very powerful, influential and beautifully crafted essays. And they were all “rough drafts”. So there wasn’t the pressure, this helped me a lot. Because what I do when I thought about this, I said,”OK, So let’s see one of the domains, where perfectionism was very strong for me, because it was an important domain- was teaching.”

So end goal can often be liberating. The Platinum Rule. So the Golden Rule:“do not unto others what you would not have done unto yourself” or “ do unto other what you would unto yourself.” The foundation of most moral systems, most religions today.