2014.12.06

 

 

典範

人們追隨你的作為，不是照著你所說的去做

人在生命上應有的黃金定律是「人所不欲勿施於己」或「人所欲施於己」，如果你有一個非常在乎你的好朋友，或者家庭成員失敗了沒做好，你會怎樣對待他？你會排斥他嗎？你竟然沒有贏得比賽，你會怎樣對待他，你會擁抱他嗎？你會因此少愛他們一點嗎？當然不會。

  那麼我們為什麼要將這些不現實的，毫無共鳴的標準強加給自己呢？達賴喇嘛，當他開始大量接受西方文化時，被一樣東西困擾了，同情這個詞在藏語中叫做”tsewe”拚為”T-S-E-W-E”，這個詞在藏語中的意思，既是同情他人也是同情自己，所以他完全背英語的概念搞糊塗了，或者大多數西方文化，不只是英語文化中，當我們說到同情時，我們是指對別人的同情。他說「你們對自己沒有同情，又怎能對別人有同情呢？」自我是基礎。鉑金法則就是說對我們自己也要有同情。對待自己不能不同於對待別人，要有同樣的標準。要像接受別人以及自己所愛的人失敗一樣去接受自己的失敗。

  為什麼不呢？我們如何幫助別人？因為通常我們處理一段感情時，和完美主義者有感情的人，或者我們有個朋友是完美主義者的話，我們如何去幫助別人？首先要搞清楚一件重要的事是，幫助別人是非常困難的，處理完美主義問題。通常都從內部著手，他們渴望改變，因為這需要時間，不是立竿見影的，我從個人經歷中了解到這一點。即使這很困難，我們還是能去幫助別人，首先最重要的就是樹立榜樣，如果我能改變，成為一個追求卓越的人，享受過程，即使失敗也要慶祝，即使偶而挫折也要慶祝，那我就做出了榜樣。人們是照著你做的去做，而不是照著你說的去做。

 

Example

People do what you do rather than what you say

 

  Person have to” Golden Rule “, the rule says,” do not do unto yourself what you would not do unto others”. Or rather” do unto yourself what you do unto others. Now if a good friend of you, someone you really care about or a family member fails and doesn’t do well, what you’ll do with that person? Do you reject that person? “Oh you didn’t win this competition”. Is that how you treat them? Or do you embrace them? And do you love them any less for it? Of course not.

 

  Then why do we apply these unrealistic and non -compassionate standards to ourselves? Now the Dalai Lama, when he was first introduced to a lot of Western culture, was baffled by one very particular thing: by our usage of a word, compassion. The word in Tibetan is “tsew”,in English spelled “t-s-e-w-e”. The word in Tibetan means compassion on for others as well as for self. And he was really taking back by the notion that in English, when we talk about ,or in West in general- not just in English- when we talk about compassion, we talk about compassion for others. And he said” how can you have compassion for others when you don’t have compassion for yourself?” The foundation is the self. The Platinum Rule is about having compassion for ourselves as well. Not treating ourselves differently than we would others. Having similar standards. Accepting failure in the same way that we accepted in others, in people we love.

  After all, why not? How do we help other people? Because very often when we are in relationships, people are in relationships with a perfectionist or, we know a friend of ours is a perfectionist, how do we help other people? The first thing that is important to make very clear is that it is extremely difficult to help other people deal with perfectionism. It mostly has to come from within. They have to want a change, because it takes time. Doesn’t happen over night. I know it from personal experience. And yet, we can help, after accepting that it is difficult. The first most important thing to do is by example. If I can change, and become more a person committed to excellence, enjoy the journey, celebrate even failures, even falling down once in a while. Then I’m leading by example. People do what you do, rather than what you say.