2014.12.30

 

如何講故事

最近一直希望自己能夠將所見所聞寫成一篇篇動人故事，設定寫故事目標，朝這目標邁進。

在英語有一個非常有用的技能就是要能夠講述故事或軼事。軼事是發生在你或你認識的人短篇小說。因此，如何說故事，要學習口語表達過去的事件，第一步，講故事，將想法連結編排。

故事結構從開始、繼續、中斷/新元素到結束，同時要注意時態：

開始

如果你要說的故事，別人已經說過，那麼可以這樣開始：

 ˙ 這讓我想起了！

 ˙ 同樣的事情也發生在我身上。

 ˙第一句話，開始講你的故事，或任何過去的事件。

繼續

用一個詞可以幫助您連接或繼續你的故事：

˙ 然後

˙ 之後

˙ 下一個

中斷/新元素的故事

當你的故事和某些元素都被加入，那麼你可以轉換話語，如：

˙ 突然

˙沒想到

結束

要結束，可用於故事的詞是：

˙最後

˙到底

˙最後

˙最後

時態

多元的時態是用來講述故事，例如：

˙現在式 - 用於講笑話，或者戲劇性的效果。

˙過去簡單式 – 依時間排序。

˙過去連續 - 用來形容正在進行的活動，在說故事的時候，或給一個背景。

  使用的詞彙範圍廣，增加故事趣味性。

How to tell a story

Recently has been seen and heard, I hope to be able to write an article touching stories, writing stories set goals towards this goal.

A very useful skill in English is to be able to tell a story or an anecdote. Anecdotes are short stories about something that happened to you or someone you know. So how to tell a story you will learn to convey past events in words.

First step to tell a story is to link your ideas together.

  Story structure from the beginning, continuing, interrupt ions/ new elements to the ending, keeping in mind the tenses:

Beginning

If you are going to tell your story after someone else has already spoken to you, then you can start by saying:

˙ That reminds me!

˙ Something similar happened to me.

˙ Words like Firstly, to start off with can help you to start telling your story or any past event.

Continuing

Words that help you to connect or continue your story are:

˙Then

˙After that

˙Next

Interruptions / New elements to the story

While you are telling your story and certain elements have to be added then you can use words like:

˙Suddenly

˙Unexpectedly

Ending

To end the story words that can be used are:

˙Finally

˙ In the end

˙Eventually

˙ Lastly

Tenses

Varieties of tenses are used to tell stories such as:

˙Present Tense -- used for telling jokes, or to give a dramatic effect.

˙Past simple- used to tell a story in a chronological order

˙ Past continuous -- used to describe activities in progress at the time of your story

  or give a background to it.

Use wide range of vocabulary to make your story interesting.

2014.12.16

 

 

幸福的步驟？

  幸福沒有簡單的步驟，幸福的變化有很多種，第一種是漸進式的，好像滴水穿石，一點一滴慢慢的，很花時間的。第二種方式是突發式的，好像大槌開山劈石，鑿出一條路一個隧道。對於這兩種變化或是所有形勢的變化，必須要注意的是，重點是要將變化持續下去，不是突然一變之後又恢復原狀。因此要注意的是變化不是藥到病除的靈丹妙藥，即便當我們舉起大槌，就是這舉起來的動作，也需要在之前做很多準備的工夫。

  舉例來說，漸進式的變化，包括每天都做感恩練習，慢慢成為一個尋找美好的人，逐漸看到更多積極事務，我們自身也將更容易產生變化，真知灼見不是憑空產生的，而是經過長時間準備後千錘百鍊得來，大家都知道靈感來自99%的汗水，所以說沒有靈丹妙藥，而且正是那種對靈丹妙藥的渴求，大家都很失望，很渴求，發現靈丹妙藥不管用的時候，就覺得自己出了問題。心想，如果我做完了五件事，我的人生就美滿，結果做完五件事，我卻沒有更快樂。沒有靈丹妙藥，任何事都需要時間，幸福沒有甚麼簡單的步驟。

 

No easy steps to happiness

  No easy steps to happiness. There are different kinds of change. The first approach- the gradual approach, like water wearing down stone, chipping away gradually slowly taking our time. The second approach- the acute change, the sledge hammer breaking stone creating a new pathway, a new channel. The important thing to keep in mind with both forms of changes, with all form of change, lasting change that is, which is what we are about. Not just the spike and the return to base level. The thing to keep in mind about change is that neither is quick-fix. Even when we pick up that sledge hammer, even when we pick it up, we need to do a lot of work before the preparation.

   So for example, gradual change, slow change would be doing the gratitude exercise everyday, slowly becoming more and more of a benefit finder, gradually looking more at the positive, that in and of itself makes us more likely to change. The great insight that doesn’t come in a vacuum. It comes after a lot of hard work after a lot of preparation. You know the 99% of perspiration that leads to that inspiration. So no quick-fix. And the believe in quick-fix, the expectation of the quick-fix that is one of the reasons people are frustrated. They are disappointed. They think there’s something wrong with them when they don’t succeed in the quick-fix. Think if I do these five things. I’d be happy for the rest of my life. And I do these five things. And I’m not happier. No quick-fix. It takes time. No easy steps to happiness.

 

2014.12.08

 

 

轉換與洞察力

  講故事，互相分享，分享和演講是有區別的：分享雙方都有收穫，演講是單行道，還有一種幫助別人的方式，工作回報，過程回報，很容易陷入對結果的回報中，也很容易忘記回報過程，但一定要注意回報的過程，要指出來「這是不錯的嘗試」，或者，「這真是太有趣了」-注重過程。

  這裡有三個M：放大、縮小和構造發明；另外有三個P，第一個P是允許自己為人；第二個P是積極的；第三個P是不經意的，將注意力轉向別處，就是根據自己的意願轉換角度的能力。這種轉換角度的能力是甚麼？這就是我們希望沉浸在當下的一種能力，也正是我們退一步，時間和空間上都退一步，問這樣的問題，「他真的有影響嗎？一年之後呢？或者更長遠來看呢？他真的很重要嗎？」同時隨心所欲地回來，能夠靈活地將思緒拉回來，沉浸於聽一首美妙的歌，或者和我們所愛的人在一起，說起來容易做起來難(但是知難行易呀!)。

  我們可以通過冥想來訓練我們的思想，通過對事物進行認知重建，我們可以訓練我們的思想，使其按照我們的意願來轉換。這裡有應用三個P的例子，第一個P許可接受，你壓力很大，你很沮喪，這些都沒有關係，即使你是一般人也沒有關係。第二件事就是尊重現實，此時有很多事情發生，「尊重現實，現實就是這樣」。第二個P是積極性，有甚麼好處呢？第一個好處就是，做少一點而非做多一點，這是很顯然的一個好處，因為它讓我們去思考。第二個好處就是當時我們想「我們現在又有一可以在課堂講的故事了，一個應用三個P的例子」，分心很簡單。

  一年之後這還會有影響嗎？我在工作前沒有鍛鍊，但同時我對自己說，我仍然希望能活在當下，於是我仍然在學校，再花一些時間，更平靜、更放鬆，將三個P應用於實際生活。允許自己接受他，關注積極的一面。

  最後就是轉換角度的能力，我甚麼時候要退一步問自己，「我現在需要如此傷神嗎？我甚麼時候想沉浸於當下？」我知道這三個P，之後的生活，它能幫助我。其實不是這樣，它更像是一種藥丸，要經常定期服用，也就是說當你每經歷一次困境，就應用三個P。應用的越多，生效就越快。認可、積極、轉換，現在就快很多了，因為我應用它，不斷練習它，所以要不斷地用它，多試幾次。

 

The Ability To Shift Perspective

 

  Telling stories, sharing. The difference between sharing and telling: Sharing, both of us get; telling is one way street. Another way to, to help other people, rewarding effort, rewarding the journey. It is so easy to fall into the track of rewarding outcome, and so easy to forget to reward the journey. But to really focus on rewarding the journey, on pointing out “ oh this was a great attempt” or “this was so much fun doing it”-the process.

  There are the three Ms: Magnifying. Minimizing. And Making-up, inventing. The other way, also have three Ps: the first P is the Permission to be human; The second P is Positive; The third P is Passing, is looking toward other place. Is about the ability to willingly shift perspective. What is this ability to shift perspective? It’s the ability when we want to be immersed in the here and now, in the present. And it’s the ability to , when we want, take a step back, zoom out both in time and in space, and ask the question, “ is this really going to matter? Or in a year? Or in a grand schema of things? Space? Is this really important?” And at the same time, go back almost at will. Have this flexibility to go back and be immersed when listening to a beautiful piece of music, or spending time with people we love. And again, it’s easier said than done.

  Over time, we can train our mind through meditation, through cognitively reframing things. We can train our mind to be able to make that shift almost at will. There an example of the 3-three Ps applies. First P, Permission. Acceptance. So you are stressed. So you are upset. It’s OK to be upset. It’s OK to be stressed. Even you are a general person, it’s all right. The second thing – respect for reality. This time a lot of things are happening. Respect for reality. It is what is. And then move on the Positive. So what’s the benefit here? So the first benefit is –Do less rather than more. So that’s certainly a benefit there. Because it got our thinking about it. The second benefit that we thought about at that moment” oh now we have another story to tell in class. An example of how we are applying the three Ps”. Distraction-very easy.

  Is this really going to matter a year from now that I didn’t exercise before a working, but at the same time, I said to myself ” I still want to be able to enjoy the here and now”. So I took my time, spent time with School. Stayed with here a few more, much more relaxed, much calmer, having applied the three Ps to an actual situation that arose. Permission to be human-acceptance. Focusing on the Positive-benefit finding.

    And finally, the ability to shift perspective, when do I want to zoom out and ask this “ do I need to sweat over it now? And when do I want to be immersed in the here and now?” I know about the three Ps. Now for the rest of my life, it’s going to help me. That’s not how it works. It works much more like a pill that you need to take on a regular basis, meaning if you are going through a difficult time, apply the three Ps. And the more you apply them, the faster it is. Permission. Positive. Perspective. It’s much faster now. Because I used it. Because I practiced it. So use it constantly. Try a few times.

 

2014.12.06

 

 

典範

人們追隨你的作為，不是照著你所說的去做

人在生命上應有的黃金定律是「人所不欲勿施於己」或「人所欲施於己」，如果你有一個非常在乎你的好朋友，或者家庭成員失敗了沒做好，你會怎樣對待他？你會排斥他嗎？你竟然沒有贏得比賽，你會怎樣對待他，你會擁抱他嗎？你會因此少愛他們一點嗎？當然不會。

  那麼我們為什麼要將這些不現實的，毫無共鳴的標準強加給自己呢？達賴喇嘛，當他開始大量接受西方文化時，被一樣東西困擾了，同情這個詞在藏語中叫做”tsewe”拚為”T-S-E-W-E”，這個詞在藏語中的意思，既是同情他人也是同情自己，所以他完全背英語的概念搞糊塗了，或者大多數西方文化，不只是英語文化中，當我們說到同情時，我們是指對別人的同情。他說「你們對自己沒有同情，又怎能對別人有同情呢？」自我是基礎。鉑金法則就是說對我們自己也要有同情。對待自己不能不同於對待別人，要有同樣的標準。要像接受別人以及自己所愛的人失敗一樣去接受自己的失敗。

  為什麼不呢？我們如何幫助別人？因為通常我們處理一段感情時，和完美主義者有感情的人，或者我們有個朋友是完美主義者的話，我們如何去幫助別人？首先要搞清楚一件重要的事是，幫助別人是非常困難的，處理完美主義問題。通常都從內部著手，他們渴望改變，因為這需要時間，不是立竿見影的，我從個人經歷中了解到這一點。即使這很困難，我們還是能去幫助別人，首先最重要的就是樹立榜樣，如果我能改變，成為一個追求卓越的人，享受過程，即使失敗也要慶祝，即使偶而挫折也要慶祝，那我就做出了榜樣。人們是照著你做的去做，而不是照著你說的去做。

 

Example

People do what you do rather than what you say

 

  Person have to” Golden Rule “, the rule says,” do not do unto yourself what you would not do unto others”. Or rather” do unto yourself what you do unto others. Now if a good friend of you, someone you really care about or a family member fails and doesn’t do well, what you’ll do with that person? Do you reject that person? “Oh you didn’t win this competition”. Is that how you treat them? Or do you embrace them? And do you love them any less for it? Of course not.

 

  Then why do we apply these unrealistic and non -compassionate standards to ourselves? Now the Dalai Lama, when he was first introduced to a lot of Western culture, was baffled by one very particular thing: by our usage of a word, compassion. The word in Tibetan is “tsew”,in English spelled “t-s-e-w-e”. The word in Tibetan means compassion on for others as well as for self. And he was really taking back by the notion that in English, when we talk about ,or in West in general- not just in English- when we talk about compassion, we talk about compassion for others. And he said” how can you have compassion for others when you don’t have compassion for yourself?” The foundation is the self. The Platinum Rule is about having compassion for ourselves as well. Not treating ourselves differently than we would others. Having similar standards. Accepting failure in the same way that we accepted in others, in people we love.

  After all, why not? How do we help other people? Because very often when we are in relationships, people are in relationships with a perfectionist or, we know a friend of ours is a perfectionist, how do we help other people? The first thing that is important to make very clear is that it is extremely difficult to help other people deal with perfectionism. It mostly has to come from within. They have to want a change, because it takes time. Doesn’t happen over night. I know it from personal experience. And yet, we can help, after accepting that it is difficult. The first most important thing to do is by example. If I can change, and become more a person committed to excellence, enjoy the journey, celebrate even failures, even falling down once in a while. Then I’m leading by example. People do what you do, rather than what you say.

2014.12.05
 

 

己所不欲勿施於人

我向別人尋求反饋，尋求批評，開始我要控制自己不去回應，不去頂嘴反駁。為什麼？因為批評是對正向的偏離，偏離那個基模。但我逐漸習慣了，這真的幫到了我，現在我更能夠包容批評。有時，我仍想回答，仍想頂嘴反駁，但整體而言，我藉由改變態度變得更好。我仍然在這，我還活著，屢戰屢敗，屢敗屢戰。

我們不一定要外在的表現出行為，我們也可以在內心中模擬，你的思想是無法分辨現實和想像的區別，因此我可以想像自己，看看自己，就像一個追求卓越的人一樣，大腦需要一致性，冥想也會有所幫助，因為冥想能使我們處於冷靜狀態，能夠接受事物是一種存在而非一種行為，當我們做為一種存在時，我們就能活在當下，我們就能享受過程，而不是總想著目的地，以及如果我達不到這個目標會怎樣。

這是我從書上學來的一個方法，是Samuel Coleridge說的，是英國的哲學家，活躍於18世紀末，19 世紀初，是影響愛默生的哲學家之一，他在寫作時經歷了這樣的瓶頸，寫作是他生命中最重要的一件事，但是他沒有辦法寫好。因為他害怕寫不出最好的文章或詩歌，所以他說：在我生命的結尾，我會寫出我的巨著，在那之前一切都只是草稿，這讓他得到解放，因為他不再焦慮了，他再也不用想著寫巨著。在同時他寫出無數優美的詩篇，有些是英文中最美的文字，以及許多非常強有力的，具有影響、結構精美的文章，而他們都只是「草稿」。這樣就沒有壓力了，它給我很大的幫助。當我想到這個時我說「好吧，看看完美主義，對我影響最深的領域吧，因為這個領域對我很重要，就是教學」。

因此訂一個終極目標可以讓自己解放，這是柏金法則，這黃金法則是：「己所不欲勿施於人」，或者說「己所欲方施於人」，這是方今許多道德體系和宗教信仰的基礎。

 

Do not do unto others what you would not have done unto yourself

 

I was started to solicit feedback from people, started to solicit criticism. Initially, literally I need to catch myself from responding, from attacking back. Why? Because criticism is the deviation from a straight narrow, from that schema. But overtime I got used to it. It actually helped me. And now I’m much open to criticism. Still, sometimes catch myself when I want to respond and attack back. But overall, I got better through behavior changing attitude. I’m still here, I survived. Learn to fail or fail to learn.

We don’t always have to act out in the world, we can also act in our internal simulator the mind doesn’t know the difference between the real thing and the imaginary thing. And therefore, I can imagine myself, see myself, acting as a person committed to excellence, the mind looks for consistency. Meditation in and of itself helps, cause meditation puts us in a state of mind of calm, of acceptance, a state of being, as opposed to state of doing. And when we are in a state of being we are here and now, we are enjoying the process, as opposed to constantly thinking about the destination, and what will happen if I don’t get to that destination.

This is a technique, method that I learn from books, that’s say from Samuel Coleridge the British philosopher, late 18^th century and the beginning of the 19^th century, one of the philosophers who influence our Ralph Waldo Emerson. He experienced this paralysis when he came to writing. Writing was the most important thing in his life. But he really couldn’t write well. Because he was so afraid of not writing the ultimate essay, or the ultimate poem. So here was what he did : he said, “well, at the end of my life, I will write my magnum opus. Until then, everything is rough draft”. And that liberated him. Because he wasn’t worried any more, now he never got to write his magnum opus. But at the meantime, he wrote dozens of beautiful poems, some of them the most beautiful in the English language and numerous very powerful, influential and beautifully crafted essays. And they were all “rough drafts”. So there wasn’t the pressure, this helped me a lot. Because what I do when I thought about this, I said,”OK, So let’s see one of the domains, where perfectionism was very strong for me, because it was an important domain- was teaching.”

So end goal can often be liberating. The Platinum Rule. So the Golden Rule:“do not unto others what you would not have done unto yourself” or “ do unto other what you would unto yourself.” The foundation of most moral systems, most religions today.

2014.11.20

 

 

 

 

享受過程

我將繼續前進，更進一步了解，享受過程。因此，第一步要能認知，在我們獲得認知之後，探討工作回報觀念，記住我們能在短短幾十小時內，就改變學生和成人思維模式，這些思維模式在他們很小的時候就已經奠定了，思維模式是固定或可塑的，我們的大腦是時刻在變化的，藉由教他們關注過程，關注所付出的努力，而不是結果獲最後的成就，而改變他們的思維模式。

我們自己也可以關注我們付出的努力，關注過程本身，不論他是失敗或成功。主動地去接受，他將永遠是我們的一部份，完美主義者經常會做的一件事，當他們意識到自己是完美主義者時，這讓他們很難過：他們就用完美主義的方式來克服完美主義，也就是說，我會成為一個追求完美與卓越的人，這不會起作用，只是更進一步追求完美主義。但主動地接受意味著，好吧，我仍然是個完美主義者，我可能永遠都會有這方面的性格，但這沒關係。

佛教徒常說的一句話是，通常的情況下，我們稱之為神經官能症，不管是完美主義，對失敗的恐懼，還是經常出現憤怒焦慮，不管我們的問題是甚麼，佛教徒很巧妙地重新定義他，我們要將其視為一種工具，一種成長的工具，一種了解自己的方式，使我們深入挖掘自己，然後得以成長。如此看待，這是成長的機會，了解自我，自我反省的機會，能夠設身處地為別人著想的機會，不論他是甚麼，將其視為一種工具。接受他，然後行動。

下一步，接受他之後就去改變它。我們藉由行為來改變他，這關鍵在於行為。

 

Enjoy the process

I can move forward and enjoy the process, it’s a better understanding. So the first step is awareness. After we have awareness, it’s about going back to notion of rewarding effort. Remember, we were able to change students and adult’s mind set with as little as a few hours. And sometimes, this mind set has been set in them from a very young age. The fixed versus the malleable mind set, our brain constantly changes by teaching them that to focus on the journey, on the effort, as opposed to the outcomes, as opposed the intelligence, was able to change their mind set.

So in ourselves we can focus on a reward on our effort, on our process, whether it’s failure or success. Active acceptance. It will always be part of us. You know one of the things that perfectionists very often do when they realize they are perfectionists and that is hurting them: they apply the perfectionist approach to overcoming perfectionism, which means, I will become perfect person who is committed to excellence. That doesn’t work. That’s just more perfectionism. But what active acceptance is about saying. Ok, So I’m not…So I’m still perfectionist. I will always probably have part of it in me. And that’s OK.

One of the things that Buddhists talk about is that very often, our greatest challenges, what we would call “our neurosis.” Whether it’s perfectionism, the fear of failure whether it’s anger that comes up once in a while, anxiety, whatever it is that we have- that “issue”. The Buddhists cognitively reframe it and say, “ we need to look at it as a tool, as a tool for growth, as a way of learning about ourselves, digging deep inside ourselves and growing.” So to look at it- OK, so this is an opportunity for growth, for personal learning, for reflection, for more empathy toward other people- whatever it is. But to look at it as a tool. Accept it. And then act.

The next thing, after we accept it, we go ahead and change it. And we go ahead and change it by introducing behavior. The key issue here is behavior.

2014.11.19

 

 

 

繼續前進

  這學期對我來說挺不錯的，沒有時麼東西讓我懊惱，進入校園讓人想再度接受挑戰，我現在知道了，應該更早研讀心靈，因為這個議題十分重要，它是如此根本與基礎的，因此當人們意識到，學期中很早就意識到，昨天有幾個人到辦公室來問我，「區別到底在哪裡？」在一、二個月之後，一個已達顛峰的人，管理著菁英學校，在承受了一生的壓力，不斷努力達到高點，不是享受當下，享受旅途，而是被告知要改變。

  我問一個簡單的問題，你要過甚麼樣的生活？積極的模式是甚麼？積極的人從外表看好像一模一樣，可能也是一個充滿雄心壯志的人，極度勤奮刻苦的人，是投資銀行家或醫生，或者律師，或者老師，或者在流浪者之家工作。從外表上看可能完全一樣，但其內在則是迥然不同。怎麼不同呢？區別在於追求卓越的人，也許同樣充滿雄心壯志，有相同目標，可能也達到了同樣的目標。然而此人同時享受旅程，這就是區別所在。

  熱情能感染他人，雖然從表面看，和之前描述的形象一模一樣，因此，不要失去雄心壯志，也不要變得沒有競爭力，學會享受過程，朝著有意義的目的，所邁出的步子才是最重要的。我們如何克服活在未來中的感覺？因為害怕失敗而害怕當下的感覺。這兒有一些方法：首先是認識他，認識到我想改變甚麼？我想保持甚麼？我到底想改變甚麼？因為長久以來，人們總是想著完美，想著成功，潛意識讓人無法擺脫完美主義，因為我會認為那就意味著，把寶寶和洗澡水一起沖走，也就是成功被沖走了。

  我仍然充滿抱負不要放棄成功，同時享受過程，這是最重要的認知，我繼續前進。

 

I can move forward

  This semester for me has been going great. There are very few things that I regret about not having done this semester, but there is one thing I will change next time when I come to school, that I already know of now is have the lecture on the mind body earlier. Because it is such an important topic. It is so foundational, so basic that when I realized that and that was earlier on this semester that I should have had it earlier, I should have had it earlier, you know,  a couple of people yesterday in office hours asked the question, “ so what is really the difference?” a month or two-too late perhaps a smart man gets to being literally on top of the world, overlooking excellence school, and then being informed after a life of constant stress, constantly living the future in point, not enjoying the present, the journey, is being told it is time to change.

  And I asked you a simple question, “what kind of life do you want for yourself?” What is the positive model? Now the positive model from the outside may look exactly the same. It may be a person who is extremely ambitions, a person who is extremely hard working, a person who is an investment banker or a doctor, or a lawyer, or a teacher, or working at a homeless shelter. It may look the exactly same from the outside. From the inside, it is radically difference. How is it radically difference? It that the person who is on the excellence side, may be as ambitious, may be have the same goals, may be reach the same goals. However, that person also enjoys the journey. That is the difference.

  Excitement can contagious others, even though from the outside, it may look the exact same as the “caricature” that I depicted earlier. So it’s not losing our ambition. It’s not about not being competitive. Learning to also enjoy the process, the step on the way to a destination that you deem valuable that is important to you.  How do we overcome this living in the future, being afraid of the present because what if I fail. There are a few methods: the first one is being aware of it, being aware of what I want to change and what I want to maintain. What it is that I want to change? Because for very long time, person associated with perfectionism, with also success, my subconscious were stopping me from letting go of perfectionism because I thought that also means throwing out baby with bath water, i.e.my success.

  I understand that I can still be as ambitious and not give up my success, and yet enjoy the process- that’s a better understanding. And now I can move forward.

2014.11.17

 

 

別為小事傷神

  「這是成長的工具，可以幫助我更好好地了解自己和他人」，這裡有三個P的選擇。

  第一個P就是讓自己成為一個人，如果我經歷了困難，我遇到了挫折，第一步就是給自己許可證，也就是說接受這樣的感覺，接受這個困境，接受這個現實，事情已經發生，我對此甚麼也做不了，能夠改變的只有我對他的詮釋，這時我就會進入下一個層次。

  第二階段是重建，也就是積極的，這就是積極者。這其中有甚麼亮點呢？這其中有甚麼成長機會呢？所以如果經歷了困境，也許可以用佛教的眼光來看待，

「這是成長的工具，這可以幫助我更好好地了解自己和他人」，成為一個更好的教育工作者，諸如此類。再次發現失敗中的亮點，失敗中的機會。

  我們很少提到的一個非常重要的技巧，粗略提到的就是分心，將注意力轉向別處，這不一定是件好事，有時執著於分析每種情感，感覺和想法，是有害的，反覆思考不一定是有幫助的。有時最好的方法，就是當消極的想法，或負面情緒出現時，將我們的注意力轉到別處去，聽聽音樂，跑個步，和別人聊聊這個事或別的事。這和逃避是很不一樣的，因為這並不是說好吧，我一輩子不要再管這種事了，這只是說如果某種情緒或想法反覆出現，永遠都在徒勞的抗爭，把石頭推上去，然後又被推下來，上上下下。

  有時更好更有用的方法是，好吧！「我不要再反覆想了，這沒有意義。這神經通路在我腦海中太強烈了，不會有任何出路的。」然後說讓我繼續前進吧！讓我聽首好歌，讓我去跑步，讓我能真正忘記它。經常地，跑步能使我以全新的角度來看待這件事。

  最後，第三個P是指轉換角度，這真的很重要，別為小事傷神，一切皆是小事。我不完全同意後半句，「一切皆是小事」，但很顯然，很多生活中我們為之傷神的都是小事。要不為小事傷神，就要問一個簡單的問題，它在一年後會不會有影響？從長遠來看，它真的很重要嗎？它真的值得我去擔心焦慮？為之沮喪，為之焦慮嗎？它在一年之後真的有影響嗎？

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

  This is a tool for growth; this will help me better understand myself as well as others .There are three Ps are the alternative.

  The first P is the Permission to be human. So if I experience a difficult experience, I have some…I go through a hard time. The first step is to give myself permission and that would mean accepting of the emotion, accepting that is difficult, accepting reality. Something just happened; there is nothing I can do about what had just happened. What can change is perhaps my interpretation of what had happened which is where I get to the next level.

 

  The Second Step, this is reframing, interpreting the situation as Positive. And that would be the benefit finder. What’s the silver lining here? What is the growth opportunity here? So if I am going through a very difficult time, perhaps look at it through the Buddhist perspective and say: “ well, this is a tool for growth; this will help me better understand myself as well as others, become a better educator, become a better business person, whatever it is. Seeing it again, the silver lining, the opportunity in failure.

  One very important technique that we didn’t talk about much, just in passing, is distracting, distraction, is looking toward other place. It’s not always good. In fact, sometimes detrimental to stay and analyze every single emotion, feeling, through that comes up. Ruminating in and of itself does not always help. Sometimes the best thing to do is when a negative thought comes up, or negative feeling comes up is to distract ourselves from it by, for example, going to listen to a piece of music, going for a run, talking to someone either about that or something else. Now this is very different from avoiding. Because it is not about saying, “all right, I am not going to deal with any of the issues in my life.” It’s just saying that if there is a recurrent thought or feeling, and I’m experiencing is Sisyphean battle against it-you know, pushing the stone up and being pushed down again, up and down again.

  Sometimes it is better, more helpful to just say, “ Ok, I’m not going to ruminate; it’s pointless. This neural in my mind is being so reinforced. It’s not going anywhere.” And then to say, “let me move on.” Let me listen to a nice piece of music. Let me go for a run that will really help get my mind off this.” And every often, what a run can do is also help me look at it in a different, through a different lens.

  And finally, the third P is about taking Perspective, this is really gonna matter. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and it’s all Small Stuff. Now I don’t necessarily agree with the second-“ it’s all small stuff”, but certainly a lot of things that we sweat about in our lives are small stuff. Now the issue with not sweating the small stuff is asking a simple question: is this going to matter in a year? You know, in a large schema of things, does it really matter? Is it worth my worrying, and fretting, and being depressed and upset and anxious about this now? Is this really going to matter in a year?

2014.11.14

你必須嘗試

  我在教育圈工作許多年，發現在某些條件下，人如果置身於組織中，更有可能表現優異。某些條件，比如給予團隊明確可行的目標，建立有效的團隊結構，即時的組織支援，高效的訓練，當一個團隊具備了這些條件，就會表現得更出色。所以我工作有條理也非常努力，但結果恰恰相反，這簡直給幾十年的工作打了大大的耳光，因此我說「結果就是結果，現時就是現實」，生活得回到現場，理解這一現象。

  心理安全是一種感覺、經歷空間，讓人覺得可以在辦公室，在組織內，安全地討論錯誤與過失，讓你覺得摔倒了也能安全的站起來。有心理安全的組織，會表現比較好。許多研究證明有心理安全的團隊，他們的成員不會害怕被告密，也不怕摔倒或犯錯，這些組織會更為成功，他們是學習型組織，成員不斷的學習成長，從錯誤中學習，下一次就能做得更好。

  不論是領導者或家長，要為自己的孩子營造心理安全，讓他們毫無拘束的告訴你，他們做得不好失敗的事，因為如果他們願意跟你說，就不容易進入害怕失敗的完美主義，會更快樂更成功。

  這是Thomas Watson 的故事，他是IBM的創建者，至今日仍舊每天不斷的改造，所以IBM能發展至今。IBM剛成立還在發展打字機時，有一名員工犯了策略性錯誤，給IBM損失了一百萬美元，當時對IBM來說是一筆很大的錢。於是他犯錯後第二天，去找了創辦人Thomas Watson並且給他一封信，Thomas Watson並且打開信讀了讀，問那員工說：這是甚麼？他說：先生，這是我的辭職信。為什麼辭職？先生，我剛犯了錯，為您的公司造成了一百萬美元的損失，我不想…你一直對我很好，我不想讓你煩惱是否要炒了我，所以我主動辭職。Thomas把信撕了說：炒了你？我剛為你的教育投入了一百萬美元，現在我要炒了你？不論這故事是百分之百真實或部分真實，在IBM公司廣為流傳，在IBM公司應造良好的氛圍，告訴大家，你必須嘗試。

You Have To Try

   I’m done work on an education teams, on groups for many years. And what I found was there are certain conditions that if they are put into place in an organization, the group is more likely to perform well. Certain conditions, such as a clear, engaging goal for the team, for the group, such as an enabling team structure, such as supportive organization, such as effective coaching. When a group has these conditions in place, it will not only perform better. So I’m very methodical, very hard working. But they are significant in the opposite direction. Again this the phase of decades or work. And I said, “well, a result is a result; reality is reality. We have to go back to the field. We have to understand this phenomenon.”

   Psychological safety is the feeling, the experience, the space that you feel in your workplace, in your organization where you are safe talking about errors and mistakes, where you feel safe falling down and getting up again. And these organization with their own psychological safety, they performed better. Many research showing how groups organizations with their psychological safety with their employees don’t or are not afraid of whistle blowing or not afraid of falling down of making mistakes. These organizations are significantly more successful. These are learning organizations with the employees constantly learn and grow. Or you learn from your mistakes and then the next time you are able to do better.

  Whether it’s for leaders, whether it’s for parents, would you have this psychological safety for your kids, while they feel comfortable talking to you about things that they did not do well, about failures. Because if they do feel comfortable, they are much less likely to enter into this perfectionistic fear of failure. And they are much more likely to be happier as well as successful.

   This is a story about Thomas Watson, founder of IBM, one organization that he invented and reinvented itself numerous times-continues on the daily basis. And that’s why it survives. So there was an employee are the beginning when IBM was founded, when they were making type writers, an employee made a strategic error. And the error was that he actually lost IBM a million dollars and a million dollars at that time for IBM was a lot of money. So the next day, after he made that mistake, he comes to see Thomas Watson, the founder and gives him a letter. Thomas Watson opens the letter and reads it and look at the employee and says, “ what is this?” He says, “ sir, it’s my letter of resignation”.”Why resignation?” “ Sir, I just made a mistake that cost your organization a million dollars. I don’t want…you’ve been great to me. I don’t want to put you through this difficult experience of firing me. So I’m resigning”. Thomas took the letter and tore it and said, “Fire you? Fire you?”I’ve just invested a million dollars in your education and I’m going to fire you? Now whether this story is exactly true, or almost true, it’s still that circulates around IEM, and a story that creates a certain reality in IBM, a reality that says” you have to try”.

2014.11.12

 

真理的實踐

推動世界前進的重任 並不是由完人來進行的

中文「危機」，由兩部分組成，第一部分「危」字指危險；第二部分「機」代表機會。有失敗的危險，但有危險的地方，就能學習成長。

Elbert Hubbard說過，一個人能犯的最大錯誤，就是害怕犯錯。這裡有一個例子，有一個人犯錯，失敗了一次又一次，我給他失敗大王稱號，原因如下：22歲時剛找到工作就失業了，不是辭職，是失業。23歲時他決定投身政治，因為其他工作他都不在行，但是也沒有成功，於是繼續回去經商，又沒有成功。27歲時壓力太大，他崩潰了，精神崩潰。但又重新站起來了，7年後他34歲時，競選國會議員，名落孫山，沒有成功。39歲時，還沒有學乖，又一次競選議員失敗，他說，讓我試試更高層的。46歲時真失敗，還沒有學乖，沒關係，學會失敗，從失敗中學習。你都46歲了適可而止吧!到了47歲他試圖競選副總統，還沒學乖，又失敗了。到了50歲他試圖競選參議員，他幾乎想放棄了，但最終他沒有，到了51歲，他成了美國第16任總統-林肯總統。大概是美國歷史上最有影響力的總統，他談起這段經歷時說「失敗讓人痛苦」，當然他的確有成功過。

我們簡化了他的生平，失敗讓人痛苦，他不享受失敗，但還是挺過來了。因為和歷史上其他成功者一樣，他懂得「學習別無他法，成長別無他法」。

成功別無他法，愛迪生說過，我從失敗中走向成功。嘗試與失敗，嘗試、失敗與成功，再次失敗，再次嘗試。「推動世界前進的重任，並不是由完人來進行的」，準備失敗，放手去做，放手行動，允許自己失敗。

My Experiments with Truth 

The important work of moving the world forward

 does not wait to be done by perfect men

 

 “Wei Ji”, the Chinese character for crisis, has two parts: the first part is danger-this is the front character; the after character, opportunity. There is danger of failing. And wherever there is a crisis, to learn and grow.

Elbert Hubbard: The greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making one. These is an example of a person who had made mistakes, who failed time and time and again. I’m giving him the position of ultimate failure. And here is why: At the age of 22, already-just started a new job, lost it. Didn’t leave – he lost it. At the age of 23, decided to go into politics because he wasn’t doing well in other jobs. But didn’t make it there either. And then he went back to business, didn’t make it there. At the age of 27, it was just too much for him. Just too much- and he collapsed. Had a nervous breakdown. But then got up again after falling. And at the age of 34, 7 years after his nervous breakdown, he ran for congress- wasn’t even close. Didn’t make it. At the age of 39, hasn’t learned the lesson yet. And he was defeated again for congress. And then he said, ”let me go try higher.” At the age of 46, what a loser! Doesn’t learn, does he? OK. Yeah. It’s OK. Learn to fail. Fail to learn. But I mean you are 46 years old. C’mon! Give it up already. At the age of 47, he tried to be nominated for the vice President. Didn’t learn. Didn’t make it. So at the age of 50, he tried again for Senate. And then he almost gave up. But he didn’t. And at the age of 51, he became the 16^th President of the United States- Abraham Lincoln President. Arguably the most important President this country has ever had. And through it all and he talks about it,” It was difficult to fail.” Of course he had victories.

We simplified the process. It was difficult to fail. He did not enjoy failing. But he persisted it. Because he understood just like every other successful person throughout history has understood and understands : there is no other way to learn; there is no way to grow.

There is no way, Thomas Edison. Remember! “I failed my way to success”. Trying and failing, trying and failing and succeeding, and failing again, and trying again. “The important work of moving the world forward does not wait to be done by perfect men.” Be prepared to fail. Just do it! Just act! Yet gives yourself the permission to fail.

 

2014.11.11

 

 

 

 

 

學習成長沒有捷徑

 

  你知道心理學家在做甚麼嗎？心理學家觀察人，我常常在觀察，非常仔細的觀察，我看到了甚麼？這需要極高的洞察力、經驗及智慧，你知道我每次看到甚麼嗎？我看到所有的人走路非常優雅，了不起。好棒，你們值得表揚。但是問題來了，如果沒有成千萬次的摔倒，你們能走到這裡，能走得如此優雅嗎？這是不可能的，學會失敗，從失敗中學習。

  我們小時候都知道，我們摔倒了，我們可能會哭，但是馬上又站起來。摔倒了，還會笑。學習的喜悅，這種喜悅上哪兒去了？去哪兒了？他消失了，因為我們到了一定年紀開始意識到別人在看我們，開始產生種種想法。「我不要試，萬一摔倒怎麼辦？」呃，不、不，我不要演這齣戲，萬一沒人看懂怎麼辦？呃，我不要分享經驗，萬一有人不喜歡怎麼辦？或者大家都這麼聰明，那我就不獻醜了。我們開始逃避而不是應對，這會影響我們自尊、信心、樂觀精神，長期的快樂指數。學會失敗，從失敗中學習。

  不是放棄志向或者努力工作，也不是消除失敗時的痛苦，這是不可能的。而是獲得一種更理性、更有益、更可控制的處理失敗的方法。上台需要一定的勇氣，有勇氣並不代表不害怕，而是害怕但仍然勇往直前。

  當老師有一件事是我不喜歡做的。我是老師，我喜歡教書，但有一件事是我不喜歡做的，就是打分數，我討厭打分數。但做為老師不得不做，你必須打分數。我有一個重要的問題，如果沒有成千上萬個失敗的圓，你能畫出一個真正的圓嗎？當然不能，成功沒有捷徑。學會失敗，從失敗中學習，這是唯一的途徑。

  但記得是如何學習的，別無他法，成長沒有捷徑，學習也沒有捷徑，樂觀、快樂、成功更沒有捷徑。

 

No other way to grow  

No other way to learn

  You know what a psychologist do? Psychologists watch people. And I watch you every time, And I watch very closely. What I see? This takes a lot of insight, experience, wisdom, but you know what I see every time when you come in? That you all are very good walkers. Terrific. Well done! Yes! You deserve it! Absolutely! But here is the question: could you have gotten to this stage, to being such good walkers without having fallen hundreds and thousands of times? It’s not possible. Learn to fail or fail to learn.

  And as kids, we know it. We fall down and maybe we cry a little bit if it hurts, but we get up again. We fall down. And we laugh. The joy of learning. Where is it? Where is it? Where does it go? Well it goes away because we come to a certain age when we begin to understand other people are watching us, and then the image kicks in.” I’m not going to try, because what if I fall?” Oh, no no no. I’m not going to try for this play, because hardly anyone gets that. Oh, I’m not going to share, because what if they don’t like what I have to say. Or “everyone is so smart. I’m not going to speak up.” And we avoid instead of coping. And that affects our self esteem, our confidence, our resilience, our happiness levels in the long term. Learn to fail or fail to learn.

  Not giving up ambition, not giving up hard work, not giving up pain of failure- because that’s inevitable. But simple have a more rational, a more helpful, a more empowering approach toward failure. Remember it takes courage to come up to the stage, but courage is not about not having fear; it’s about having fear and going ahead anyway.

    The one thing that I really don’t like doing teaching. I love to teach, but the one thing that I really don’t like doing- is grading ,I hate grading. But you know, as a teacher, you have to do it, you have to do it. I have an important question for person, could you have gotten to drawing a real circle without having drawn hundreds and thousands of failed circles? Absolutely. There is no other way to succeed. Learn to fail or fail to learn- there’s no other way.

  But remember, remember how we learn. There is no other way, no other way to grow. No other way to learn. No other way to become more resilient, happier, more successful.

 

2014.11.09

 

 

 

皎潔的月光

我正在寫作時，我兒子要我翻轉既有的寫作模式

我是平凡的，我能拼讀也知道許多事，更知道許多美好字詞像是：

  迎風招展

  想像創造

  入神著迷

我想尋找更多有意義和有趣的事

我是一個

  守護者

  傾聽者

也是一個

  隱形者

我能讓自己既微小又安靜，藏身於許多地方守護著，也觀賞和傾聽。

除了母親，她發現我無所不在，我藏身時她看著我，穿越牆壁她還是看著我，但是她不阻止我，注視我，我將有更多展現！

(獻給母親)

 

More Perfect than the Moon

I am writing here now. My son Jerry says it is my turn to keep the journal.

I am almost in third grade. I can spell, you know. And I know many things, I also know many words, some of them important words. Like

  Windswept

  Imagination

  Ecstatic

I will have to look up the meaning and thing of ecstatic.

I am a watcher. I am a listener, too. I am invisible. I can make myself so small and quiet and hidden that sometimes no one knows I am here to watch and listen.

  Except for my mother. She finds me everywhere. She sees me when I’m hiding. Mother tells me she can through walls.

  But she won’t stop me.

  I will find lots to seeing about.

Watch me!