2014.10.24

 

熱情改變一切

  多則劣，少則精，愛與壓力成反比，如果我們能幫助人們簡化生活，降低壓力水平，那麼他們的關係將會大大改善，更重要的是他們生活中的積極方面，也會相應得到提升。它會影響我們生活的各方面，無論是愛情生活或與孩子共處、工作、閱讀、與朋友共處或寫作，都可能造成過與不及。

   如果我們把午餐作為修復，在此同時還寫Email 或打電話，那就不是修復，那是更多壓力。但如果我們只是享受午餐享受美食，或者只是與相愛的人在一起，那就是修復。專注是關鍵，工作也是如此。

  但是在當今社會，尤其是處於領導地位，很多人可能已經或即將體驗，不可能避免多任務，關鍵就是減少任務，我們來統計一下，有多少人，從事需要集中注意力工作時，無論是寫作閱讀，或者其他需要專注工作時，有多少人還同時開著Email的？幾乎所有人都這樣，當你開著信箱，從事需要集中注意力工作時，等於智商減少10分，整整10分。

  上班時發短信的人，智商會降低10，與整晚通宵的人一樣。聽著，如果你關信箱2小時，不會發生甚麼大不了的事，甚麼也不會發生，除了這種情況，你可能會收到另一條訊息，伺服器是不是當了？或你沒有收到我的郵件？

 

Finding You Passion Changes Everything

 

  Quantity affects quality. Love is affected negatively by stress. If we can help to simplify their lives, thus reducing their stress levels, it is very likely that people’s relationships would be enriched greatly. Moreover, the positive aspects of their lives would be enriched accordingly. It affects every area of our lives, whether it’s our love life, whether it’s our experience with our kids, whether it’s our experience doing work or reading, spending time with friends or writing. There can be too much of a good thing.

  So if we have lunch and we use lunch as recovery, and at the same time we are on the phone and doing email, that’s not recovery, that’s simply more stress. But if we have just lunch and focus on our eating and enjoy it, or just spend time with people we love, that’s recovery. The key is focus. The same thing applies to work.

  Now it’s not possible in our work today, certainly not in leadership positions which many of you already got or will assume in the future, it’s not possible to eliminate multi-tasking. The key though is to reduce it. Just a quick show of hands: how many people here, while you are doing work that requires concentration, that requires focus- whether it’s writing, or doing reading, or anything else that requires concentration, how many people here have their emails on at the same time? ‘It’s most people in the West that, who do that. When you have your email on, while you are doing work that requires concentration, it is equivalent to taking off 10 IQ points. 10 IQ points.

   The IQ those who try to juggle messages at work fell by 10 points, the equivalent of missing a whole night sleep. Look, nothing will happen if you switch off your email for 2 hours at a time. Nothing will happen. Except for thing that will happen, you’ll get another message saying: you know- the server may have been down or, so you are not sure you got my email.

2014.10.21

努力工作 玩得開心

 

如果我們違背心理或生理需求，就會為此付出代價，無論是需要修整，需要身體鍛鍊，還是需要某種維生素或蛋白質，我們會為此付出代價，關鍵是將這本能的修整期引入生活中，關鍵就是集中注意力，同時關注工作與修整。

處於相同的現代社會，擁有相似的雄心壯志，為什麼有些人能獲得成功？他們知道何時聚焦工作，何時聚焦玩樂，套句老話，他們努力工作，玩得開心。具體意思是甚麼呢？首先要修整。他們明白多則劣少則精。科學家研究一天內婦女的情感和感情經歷，他讓一些婦女在經歷了某些特定事件之後，對此經歷做出評估：剛才的感覺怎麼樣？這些經歷包括工作、購物與親密伴侶、孩子共處的時光，與朋友共進午餐等等，評估一天內她們的心情。

結果令人驚訝，這些婦女並不特別享受與孩子共處的時光，這一結果令我們吃驚，他和合作者近一步研究發現，這些婦女並不是不愛他們的孩子，他們很愛孩子，對其中大多數人來說，孩子是他們生活中最有意義，最重要的一部份。但是，他們與孩子共處的經歷，通常並不愉悅，這是快樂第二個組成部分，有意義但不愉悅。

  為什麼呢，他們進一步研究發現了確切的原因，因為這些婦女與孩子共處時，並不是全心與孩子在一起，可能同時還在打電話，或者寫郵件，思考上班的事或者要做的家務，他們一心多用，並沒有全心和孩子在一起。單獨來看，他們可能樂意和朋友講電話、工作和思考，或者等一下要做的事。

這些活動單獨發生可能很有趣，但是同時進行就樂極生悲了，量影響質。聽聽這個類比，聽聽這個類比，想想你閉著眼睛，全神貫注地聽你最喜歡的音樂，我最喜歡的歌是，惠特妮休斯頓的「我會永遠愛你」，英雄所見略同，於是你聽著惠特妮休斯頓的歌，或者是其他你最喜歡的音樂，閉著眼睛，全神貫注，然後從一到十打個分數，絕對是滿滿十分，你深受感動，心靈受到鼓舞。

於是又聽第二喜歡的音樂，如果是我，會選貝多芬的第九交響曲，你會全神貫注地聽著，然後從一到十打分數，沒有「我會永遠愛你」這麼高，但也有9.5分，接著為了達到最大效果，你把兩首歌同時播放，結果怎樣？19.5分嗎？不，不是10分，連5分也沒有，純粹是噪音，這就是現代生活。

我們進行各種活動，生活中有這麼多美好的東西，但是又多過頭了，這會怎樣呢？這會常導致內就沮喪。為什麼，因為我對自己說：這怎麼可能？我喜歡做這些事！生活中能有這麼多美好人事物，我真是太幸運了。但我竟然不快樂，我肯定有甚麼不對勁，不，你沒有甚麼不對勁，這正常得很，就好像你不可能同時欣賞兩首歌，即使他們同時都是你最喜歡的音樂，過猶不及，多則劣，少則精。

 

Work Hard Play Hard

 

 When we frustrate a psychological, physical need. We pay a price for it, whether it’s the need for recovery or the need for physical exercise or the need for certain vitamins or protein. We pay a price for it. And the key is, to introduce these natural recovery periods into our lives. And here is the key. The key is focus. Focus on both work as well as recovery.

What makes some individuals succeed despite living in a modern world or living with ambition and success? Well these individuals know how to focus when they work, when they play. To use a cliché, they work hard and they play hard. What does that mean specially? First of all, in recovery. They understand that quantity affects quality. A scientist wanted to understand was the affective the emotional experience of women during the day. And what he did was ask women to evaluate their experiences right after they had that particular experience: so what was it like for you? And they evaluated their experience at work. They evaluated their experience shopping. They evaluated their experience spending time with their intimate partners, with their children, having lunch with friends, whatever it was. They evaluated how they were doing during the day.

The most surprising finding of this result was that these women did not particularly enjoy time they spent with their kids. Now this result was very surprising to him. When he probed further-he and his co-authors: it wasn’t the fact that the women didn’t love their kids, I mean they love their kids. For most of these women, kids were the most meaningful, important thing in their lives. However, their experience with their kids often was not pleasurable- the second component of happiness, very meaningful, but not always pleasurable.

Why? When they probed further, they found out exactly why. Because this women, when they were with their kids, they were not really with their kids, meaning they were on the phone at the same time, or doing email, or thinking about what they had, they did earlier at work, or what they had to do later at home. They were distracted . And they were not present with their kids. Now individually, discreetly, they may have very enjoyed being on the phone, with a friend, or doing work or thinking about what they have to do later.

Each discreet individual activity may have been a lot of fun. But together, it was too much of a good thing. And quantity affects quality. I mean, thinking about the following analogy. Thinking about the following analogy. Thinking about your favorite piece of music and listening to it with your eyes close and focus. So your favorite piece of music- if it’s like mine, probably is Whitney Houston’s “ And I will Always Love You.” There’s another one here with good taste in music. And you listen to Whitney Houston or whatever your favorite piece of music is. You eyes close and you focus. Then you rate it on a scale of one to ten. And of course, perfect ten: you are touched. You are moved. You are inspired.

And then you listen to your second most favorite piece of music, which, if it is like mine, it’s the chorus piece from Beethoven’s Ninth. And you listen to it, you focus on it. And again, you rate it on a scale of one to ten. Not quite high as “ And I will Always Love You”, but it’s a nine and a half. And then, for maximum effect, you take the two pieces together and play them. And what do you get? A nineteen and a half, right? No, not a ten. Not even a five. It’s noise. This is modern life for you. This is modern life.

We have activities; we have so many wonderful things in our lives. But we have too many of them. And you know what that often does? It very often leads to guilt and frustration. Why? Because I say to myself: how is that possible? I love doing what I’m doing! I’m so fortunate to have so many amazing, wonderful things, people, experiences in my life. And yet I fail to be happy! There must be something wrong with me. No, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s perfectly natural, just like you will not be able to enjoy the two pieces of music played together even though individually they are your two most favorite pieces of music. Too much of a good thing. Quantity does affect quality.

 

 

 

2014.10.12

 

釋放壓力使人更堅強

壓力不是問題，壓力本身其實是一件好事，就像在體育運動中，我們鍛鍊肌肉，肌肉就會發展增長。我們心理上情感上給自己壓力，我們就會成長，變得更開朗更堅強。

從小在無菌室裡長大，從未受過外界任何壓力，對人是不利的，例如影響身體的細菌，會使人體產生抗菌體。所以長在無菌環境中對人是不利的，不只是生理上嬰兒的密閉環境，缺乏運動，還包括心理及情感，所以我常說：希望孩子遭受更多的失敗，因為艱難困苦，能給予我們極大的鍛鍊。所以問題不在於壓力，而是缺乏修復。

不僅僅在學校，我們的文化中，都缺乏對休息的重視，大多數的公共場所都沒有足夠的地方進行修復，大多數學校，所以壓力轉變為慢性壓力，變成為長期焦慮，變成憂鬱症。就因為我們沒有修復。

修復有幾個不同的層面：( 多元修復)

  微觀層面的修復，微觀層面上，修復可以是，例如每衝刺90分鐘就休息15分鐘，不要做馬拉松運動員，要做短跑運動員。可以是15分鐘冥想，一小時的午餐，給自己時間好好修復。可以是定期去健身房，聽15分鐘喜歡的音樂，與朋友聊天等等。這是微觀層面的修復。

中度修復

  上班時間進行修復的人，如果工作場所能夠提供修復，能使員工效率更高，更有創意，以長期來看，會更幸福，提高工作滿意度。中度修復包括一夜好眠，每周至少休息一天，放鬆休息以便重新投入工作，最後，還有假期，節日，長假。如果我們片刻不停的運作，會發生甚麼？我們錯過身邊和自身的風景，錯過了獲得快樂幸福，欣賞日常生活中美的機會，所以我們把一切都當作理所當然，因為我們沒有花時間去欣賞體會。

這有悖自然，你能想像？一頭獅子生活在現代世界，在商場，在銀行工作？這是違反自然的，大家都知道獅子要打瞌睡，要追逐嬉戲，這才自然。人性中視野的侷限性，服從權力，人的天性需要修復，所有動物都是。

Recovery Stress become more Strong

Stress wasn’t the problem. That stress in and of itself is actually good, just like in athletics, just like in sports, when we stress a muscle, the muscle develop- it grows. When we stress ourselves psychologically, emotionally, we grow. We become more resilient. We become stronger.

It’s not good for a person who’s just born to be put in a sterile environment and be protected from all the stresses of the outside world, such as bacteria for example, which stresses the system. Cause it forces to grade antibodies. It’s not good for us to be in a sterile environment not physically- whether it’s in a closing environment as babies, not physically in terms of not doing sports, not pushing ourselves, and also not mentally and emotionally- which is why I said time and again: I wish children fail more. Because I think it is important to go through hardships, through difficulties. So stress is not the problem. The problem is lack of recovery.

And that is what we don’t have enough of in our culture not just at school. Most workplace- there is not enough place for recovery; in most school- which explains why levels of stress translate themselves to chronic stress, translate themselves to chronic anxiety, translate themselves to depression. It’s because we don’t have the recovery.

Recovery has a few levels( Multi-level Recovery)

  The recovery on the micro level. Recovery on the micro level, which is, for example, every 90 minutes of sprint, 15 minutes break- instead of marathon runners, being sprinters. It’s 15 minutes meditation. It’s a one hour lunch, where we really give ourselves time to recover. It’s going to the gym on a regular basis. It’s the15 minutes of listening to our favorite piece of music, speaking to a friend or whatever it is. The recovery on the micro level.

The recovery on the mezzo level.

  And people who recover, who have recovered during their workday- show how important it is in a workplace to have recoveries and people who do it are more productive, more creative and in the long term, also happier, higher levels of job satisfaction. Recovery also on the mezzo level the full night sleep, the day off during once a week at least. Time off recreate so that we can create, and finally, the vacations. Holidays . Longer periods. You see, the other thing that happens when we are constantly on the run is that we miss the beauty that’s all around us and within us. We miss the real potential for happiness, for joy, for appreciation that surrounds us day in and day out. And that’s why we take things for granted. Because we don’t take time to appreciate, to savor.

  And it’s not natural to do so. I mean can you imagine? Can you imagine a lion living in our modern world? Can you imagine a lion working at market? Or in investment banking? It’s unnatural. You know what a lion needs to do is yawn. They need to play. It is natural. The constraint view of human nature- nature to be commanded must be obeyed, our nature dictates that we need recovery. All animals do.

 

2014.10.10

 

 

採取行動積極作為

  當你只有重視天賦的時候，就是在製造完美主義的基模，而不是專注於旅途中努力的基模。「如果你稱讚孩子的智力，當他們失敗時，他們會認為自己不再聰明，然後失去對眼前工作的興趣。相反那些被稱讚努力的孩子，在困難面前不會氣餒，甚至更動力。」這兩種方式造成許多明顯的不同。被稱讚智力的人會產生這樣的基模- 要嘛我很聰明，要嘛我就不聰明，我很害怕不聰明，所以我就選擇容易一點的任務吧！當我無法做到時就是攻擊，是對於我基模的侮辱，沒錯吧？這是對於直線的偏離。相對的，如果努力才是最重要的，「好吧，讓我試試看吧」，「我學到了很多，這真有意思」。因為一個是既定思維模式，另一個是可拓展的，時刻改變和可發展的模式。一個是害怕失敗，因為我想聰明。

  被人稱讚聰明很有意思，我不想威脅到這個基模，相對的是努力與重視過程，當追求卓越的基模成為習慣的做法。那我們如何克服完美主義呢？如果我們確實有這個問題怎麼辦？要記住，根本就沒有完美的完美主義，也沒有完美的追求卓越者。你必須選擇你能快樂的生活方式，選擇你認為能夠更加快樂的生活方式，不會有現成的答案擺在你面前。

  對你而言這可能只是有趣的學術理論，或者是非常個人化的原因，那麼我們應該怎麼更多彩的用卓越的基模呢？ 

首先是自我認知，自我了解。首先你要明白你想要進步的是甚麼？這是第一步，說起來容易做起來難。

第二步是專注於努力，當我們專注於努力的時候，我們就能改變那種根深蒂固的基模，所以我們對自己或者對別人，必須專注於旅程，專注並常常嘉獎自己，甚至是嘉獎自己的失敗和嘗試。

  人們的心是可以改變的，我們可以做出改變，積極接受，以前我有著極度的完美主義，現在我更加接近追求卓越的極致，這是持續一生的，是不斷進行的過程，所以現在的關鍵就是接受，他一直都是我們生活的一部份，然後問；那麼，我該怎麼辦？換句話說就是採取行動。作為，就是怎麼應對，把自己置於線上，然後尋求回饋。

Taking Action

What happens when you focus only on the intelligence, on how smart you are, you are creating the perfectionist schema, as opposed to a schema that focus on the journey, effort, hard work. “ When you praise kid’s intelligence and then they fail, they think they’re not smart anymore, and they lose interest in their work. In contrast, kid’s praised for effort show no impairment and often are energized in the face of difficulty.” What difference just based on these two approaches. Person who is praised for their intelligence creates this schema, either I’m intelligent or I’m not. And I’m afraid of not being intelligent, so I choose the easier task. And when I can’t do something, it’s an attack, it’s an insult on my schema, right? It’s a deviation from this straight narrow. In contrast, if effort is most important, “ Ok, let me see what’s around the corner here.”” Hey, I’m learning a lot now. This is wonderful. This is fun.” Because with one, it’s “a fixed mindset”. And the other it’s the malleable, changing, ongoing, developing mindset. One- there is fear of failure, cause I want to be smart.

    It’s fun being called smart and intelligent. I don’t want to threaten the schema. Versus working hard, focusing on the process, when the excellence schema becomes the dominant modus operandi. So how do we overcome perfectionism? What do we do about it if we have it? And again, remember there’s no perfectionist. There is no perfect person committed to excellence. You need to choose in your life where you are happy, and where you think you can be happier. This may not even speak to you.

   This is for you may be just interesting academically, or it may be deeply personal. So how do we become more and more of the excellence schema?

 First, it is about self-awareness. It’s about understanding. You first need to be aware of what it is that you want to improve. So that’s the first step. And that’s easier said than done.

 Second step is focus on a reward effort, when we focus on effort, people’s effort, we are able to change schema that has been engrained there, so with ourselves, or with other people, it’s about focusing on the journey, focusing on and rewarding ourselves at times, even for failure, for trying.

    People’s mind is malleable, we can bring about change. Active acceptance, however, whereas before, I was here on the extreme of perfectionism; now I’m much closer to the excellence extreme. And it’s a life long... It’s an on- going process. And the key here is to accept that it will always be part of one’s life and then to say: “all right, so what do I do now?’ In other word, it is about then taking action. Behavior, it’s about coping, putting ourselves on the line, then ask people, “ so you know give me feedback about it”.

 

 

 

 

2014.10.01

 

成功的因素：聰明伶俐或認真努力

  討論的重點是專注於目標，而不是專注於努力、旅途、品格，還有所需要的改變，還有別的。

  有一個由史丹佛教授Carol Dweck所做的研究，他描述，有別的因素導致完美，不是所有的讚美都是好的。對一個孩子說你很棒，你很出色，不吝讚美之詞，你太聰明了，你太驚人，我的小愛因斯坦，這也不是很好。長期看來可能是有害的，這也會導致完美主義的基模。

  實驗針對一群10歲的孩子，然後把它們隨機分成兩組，第一組的孩子都做了一道題目，他們每個人都獨立完成了，到最後對每個完成的孩子都說「你真聰明伶俐」，當然每個孩子都感覺不錯。第二組做同一道題，做完了，做得不錯。結束後說：哇，「你真努力，你真認真」。這隨機分成的兩組孩子，一組是「聰明伶俐」，一組是「認真努力」。

  然後他開始做第二部分的研究，兩組孩子要選兩道題，他們被告知其中一道很簡單，他們可以很快地做好；另一道題非常困難，但是他們可以從中學到許多。那組被稱讚聰明伶俐的孩子裡，五成孩子選了簡單的題目；五成孩子選了可以學到很多的難題。那組被稱讚認真努力的孩子裡，九成孩子選擇了他們能學到很多的難題。這是研究的第二部分。

  第三部分，這次他讓孩子們做一道非常難的題目，這題基本上是無法解答的，他想看看兩組孩子的反應。被告知他們很聰明，很伶俐的那一組，他們沒有堅持多久，並且非常沮喪很快就放棄了。與此相反，被告知認真努力的那一組孩子，他們更能堅持並且享受解題的過程，即使到最後他們都沒能解開這道題。但是他們享受這過程並更加努力。

  從這微小的操縱帶來的結果，簡簡單單的一句你真聰明，你真努力，一句話帶來了這麼明顯的不同。「重視努力讓孩子擁有一個他自己能掌控的變量」，這能讓他們認為自己能掌控自己的成功。強調自然的天賦讓孩子無法掌控成功，不會給孩子提供面對失敗的方法。

Success Elements: Smart ant Intelligent or Effort Hard Work

   We discuss about the destination. It’s not about the hard work, the journey, the character, change that needs to take place. And there is something else.

  There is a research done by Stanford Professor Carol Dweck, There is something else that leads to perfectionism. She illustrates is that not all praise is good. Telling a kid you are wonderful, you are terrific, you are great, no matter what indiscriminately you are so smart, you are so amazing, my little Einstein that’s not always good. That may be harmful in the long run. And it may create the perfectionism schema.

  There is a group of 10years old and randomly divided them into two groups. The first group did a puzzle which they completed successfully, each one individually. And at the end, for each one when he or she completed the puzzle, and say,”wow. You are so intelligence. So smart.” And of course, they felt good about it. Terrific. The second group did the exact same puzzle- succeeded: did well. And at the end of it, she said,” wow. You put so much effort into it. You worked so hard.” Again, randomly divided into these two groups. One- “ smart ant intelligent”; one – “effort, hard work.”

  And she had a second part of the study. The second part: the participant had to choose between two puzzles. One puzzles they were told was relatively easy one they could do well. The other one was extremely hard, but they could really learn a lot from it. From the group that was told that they were smart or smart and intelligent, 50 percent choose the easy one; 50 percent chose the hard one where they could learn a lot. From the group that was told that they were hard- working, that they put in a lot of effort, 90 percent chose the hard one, the one that they could learn from. This was the part two of the study.

  Part three: She brought them in again, and this time had them take, or do a puzzle which was very difficult, which was essentially unsolvable. And she wanted to see the reaction of the two groups. The group that was told how smart they were, how intelligent they were, that group didn’t persist much and experienced a lot of frustration and would give up very quickly on that puzzle. In contrast, the group that was told earlier that they worked hard and that put in a lot of effort persisted much more and actually enjoyed the process, even though they didn’t end up solving the puzzle. But they enjoyed the process and they worked harder.

  Look at this slight manipulation. Simply one sentence – “ oh you are so smart!” “oh you are working so hard!” One sentence lead to this significant difference. Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control. They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.

Chinese thought: ancient wisdom meets modern science.