2014.10.10

 

 

採取行動積極作為

  當你只有重視天賦的時候，就是在製造完美主義的基模，而不是專注於旅途中努力的基模。「如果你稱讚孩子的智力，當他們失敗時，他們會認為自己不再聰明，然後失去對眼前工作的興趣。相反那些被稱讚努力的孩子，在困難面前不會氣餒，甚至更動力。」這兩種方式造成許多明顯的不同。被稱讚智力的人會產生這樣的基模- 要嘛我很聰明，要嘛我就不聰明，我很害怕不聰明，所以我就選擇容易一點的任務吧！當我無法做到時就是攻擊，是對於我基模的侮辱，沒錯吧？這是對於直線的偏離。相對的，如果努力才是最重要的，「好吧，讓我試試看吧」，「我學到了很多，這真有意思」。因為一個是既定思維模式，另一個是可拓展的，時刻改變和可發展的模式。一個是害怕失敗，因為我想聰明。

  被人稱讚聰明很有意思，我不想威脅到這個基模，相對的是努力與重視過程，當追求卓越的基模成為習慣的做法。那我們如何克服完美主義呢？如果我們確實有這個問題怎麼辦？要記住，根本就沒有完美的完美主義，也沒有完美的追求卓越者。你必須選擇你能快樂的生活方式，選擇你認為能夠更加快樂的生活方式，不會有現成的答案擺在你面前。

  對你而言這可能只是有趣的學術理論，或者是非常個人化的原因，那麼我們應該怎麼更多彩的用卓越的基模呢？ 

首先是自我認知，自我了解。首先你要明白你想要進步的是甚麼？這是第一步，說起來容易做起來難。

第二步是專注於努力，當我們專注於努力的時候，我們就能改變那種根深蒂固的基模，所以我們對自己或者對別人，必須專注於旅程，專注並常常嘉獎自己，甚至是嘉獎自己的失敗和嘗試。

  人們的心是可以改變的，我們可以做出改變，積極接受，以前我有著極度的完美主義，現在我更加接近追求卓越的極致，這是持續一生的，是不斷進行的過程，所以現在的關鍵就是接受，他一直都是我們生活的一部份，然後問；那麼，我該怎麼辦？換句話說就是採取行動。作為，就是怎麼應對，把自己置於線上，然後尋求回饋。

Taking Action

What happens when you focus only on the intelligence, on how smart you are, you are creating the perfectionist schema, as opposed to a schema that focus on the journey, effort, hard work. “ When you praise kid’s intelligence and then they fail, they think they’re not smart anymore, and they lose interest in their work. In contrast, kid’s praised for effort show no impairment and often are energized in the face of difficulty.” What difference just based on these two approaches. Person who is praised for their intelligence creates this schema, either I’m intelligent or I’m not. And I’m afraid of not being intelligent, so I choose the easier task. And when I can’t do something, it’s an attack, it’s an insult on my schema, right? It’s a deviation from this straight narrow. In contrast, if effort is most important, “ Ok, let me see what’s around the corner here.”” Hey, I’m learning a lot now. This is wonderful. This is fun.” Because with one, it’s “a fixed mindset”. And the other it’s the malleable, changing, ongoing, developing mindset. One- there is fear of failure, cause I want to be smart.

    It’s fun being called smart and intelligent. I don’t want to threaten the schema. Versus working hard, focusing on the process, when the excellence schema becomes the dominant modus operandi. So how do we overcome perfectionism? What do we do about it if we have it? And again, remember there’s no perfectionist. There is no perfect person committed to excellence. You need to choose in your life where you are happy, and where you think you can be happier. This may not even speak to you.

   This is for you may be just interesting academically, or it may be deeply personal. So how do we become more and more of the excellence schema?

 First, it is about self-awareness. It’s about understanding. You first need to be aware of what it is that you want to improve. So that’s the first step. And that’s easier said than done.

 Second step is focus on a reward effort, when we focus on effort, people’s effort, we are able to change schema that has been engrained there, so with ourselves, or with other people, it’s about focusing on the journey, focusing on and rewarding ourselves at times, even for failure, for trying.

    People’s mind is malleable, we can bring about change. Active acceptance, however, whereas before, I was here on the extreme of perfectionism; now I’m much closer to the excellence extreme. And it’s a life long... It’s an on- going process. And the key here is to accept that it will always be part of one’s life and then to say: “all right, so what do I do now?’ In other word, it is about then taking action. Behavior, it’s about coping, putting ourselves on the line, then ask people, “ so you know give me feedback about it”.