2014.10.21

努力工作 玩得開心

 

如果我們違背心理或生理需求，就會為此付出代價，無論是需要修整，需要身體鍛鍊，還是需要某種維生素或蛋白質，我們會為此付出代價，關鍵是將這本能的修整期引入生活中，關鍵就是集中注意力，同時關注工作與修整。

處於相同的現代社會，擁有相似的雄心壯志，為什麼有些人能獲得成功？他們知道何時聚焦工作，何時聚焦玩樂，套句老話，他們努力工作，玩得開心。具體意思是甚麼呢？首先要修整。他們明白多則劣少則精。科學家研究一天內婦女的情感和感情經歷，他讓一些婦女在經歷了某些特定事件之後，對此經歷做出評估：剛才的感覺怎麼樣？這些經歷包括工作、購物與親密伴侶、孩子共處的時光，與朋友共進午餐等等，評估一天內她們的心情。

結果令人驚訝，這些婦女並不特別享受與孩子共處的時光，這一結果令我們吃驚，他和合作者近一步研究發現，這些婦女並不是不愛他們的孩子，他們很愛孩子，對其中大多數人來說，孩子是他們生活中最有意義，最重要的一部份。但是，他們與孩子共處的經歷，通常並不愉悅，這是快樂第二個組成部分，有意義但不愉悅。

  為什麼呢，他們進一步研究發現了確切的原因，因為這些婦女與孩子共處時，並不是全心與孩子在一起，可能同時還在打電話，或者寫郵件，思考上班的事或者要做的家務，他們一心多用，並沒有全心和孩子在一起。單獨來看，他們可能樂意和朋友講電話、工作和思考，或者等一下要做的事。

這些活動單獨發生可能很有趣，但是同時進行就樂極生悲了，量影響質。聽聽這個類比，聽聽這個類比，想想你閉著眼睛，全神貫注地聽你最喜歡的音樂，我最喜歡的歌是，惠特妮休斯頓的「我會永遠愛你」，英雄所見略同，於是你聽著惠特妮休斯頓的歌，或者是其他你最喜歡的音樂，閉著眼睛，全神貫注，然後從一到十打個分數，絕對是滿滿十分，你深受感動，心靈受到鼓舞。

於是又聽第二喜歡的音樂，如果是我，會選貝多芬的第九交響曲，你會全神貫注地聽著，然後從一到十打分數，沒有「我會永遠愛你」這麼高，但也有9.5分，接著為了達到最大效果，你把兩首歌同時播放，結果怎樣？19.5分嗎？不，不是10分，連5分也沒有，純粹是噪音，這就是現代生活。

我們進行各種活動，生活中有這麼多美好的東西，但是又多過頭了，這會怎樣呢？這會常導致內就沮喪。為什麼，因為我對自己說：這怎麼可能？我喜歡做這些事！生活中能有這麼多美好人事物，我真是太幸運了。但我竟然不快樂，我肯定有甚麼不對勁，不，你沒有甚麼不對勁，這正常得很，就好像你不可能同時欣賞兩首歌，即使他們同時都是你最喜歡的音樂，過猶不及，多則劣，少則精。

 

Work Hard Play Hard

 

 When we frustrate a psychological, physical need. We pay a price for it, whether it’s the need for recovery or the need for physical exercise or the need for certain vitamins or protein. We pay a price for it. And the key is, to introduce these natural recovery periods into our lives. And here is the key. The key is focus. Focus on both work as well as recovery.

What makes some individuals succeed despite living in a modern world or living with ambition and success? Well these individuals know how to focus when they work, when they play. To use a cliché, they work hard and they play hard. What does that mean specially? First of all, in recovery. They understand that quantity affects quality. A scientist wanted to understand was the affective the emotional experience of women during the day. And what he did was ask women to evaluate their experiences right after they had that particular experience: so what was it like for you? And they evaluated their experience at work. They evaluated their experience shopping. They evaluated their experience spending time with their intimate partners, with their children, having lunch with friends, whatever it was. They evaluated how they were doing during the day.

The most surprising finding of this result was that these women did not particularly enjoy time they spent with their kids. Now this result was very surprising to him. When he probed further-he and his co-authors: it wasn’t the fact that the women didn’t love their kids, I mean they love their kids. For most of these women, kids were the most meaningful, important thing in their lives. However, their experience with their kids often was not pleasurable- the second component of happiness, very meaningful, but not always pleasurable.

Why? When they probed further, they found out exactly why. Because this women, when they were with their kids, they were not really with their kids, meaning they were on the phone at the same time, or doing email, or thinking about what they had, they did earlier at work, or what they had to do later at home. They were distracted . And they were not present with their kids. Now individually, discreetly, they may have very enjoyed being on the phone, with a friend, or doing work or thinking about what they have to do later.

Each discreet individual activity may have been a lot of fun. But together, it was too much of a good thing. And quantity affects quality. I mean, thinking about the following analogy. Thinking about the following analogy. Thinking about your favorite piece of music and listening to it with your eyes close and focus. So your favorite piece of music- if it’s like mine, probably is Whitney Houston’s “ And I will Always Love You.” There’s another one here with good taste in music. And you listen to Whitney Houston or whatever your favorite piece of music is. You eyes close and you focus. Then you rate it on a scale of one to ten. And of course, perfect ten: you are touched. You are moved. You are inspired.

And then you listen to your second most favorite piece of music, which, if it is like mine, it’s the chorus piece from Beethoven’s Ninth. And you listen to it, you focus on it. And again, you rate it on a scale of one to ten. Not quite high as “ And I will Always Love You”, but it’s a nine and a half. And then, for maximum effect, you take the two pieces together and play them. And what do you get? A nineteen and a half, right? No, not a ten. Not even a five. It’s noise. This is modern life for you. This is modern life.

We have activities; we have so many wonderful things in our lives. But we have too many of them. And you know what that often does? It very often leads to guilt and frustration. Why? Because I say to myself: how is that possible? I love doing what I’m doing! I’m so fortunate to have so many amazing, wonderful things, people, experiences in my life. And yet I fail to be happy! There must be something wrong with me. No, there’s nothing wrong with you. It’s perfectly natural, just like you will not be able to enjoy the two pieces of music played together even though individually they are your two most favorite pieces of music. Too much of a good thing. Quantity does affect quality.