2014.11.17

 

 

別為小事傷神

  「這是成長的工具，可以幫助我更好好地了解自己和他人」，這裡有三個P的選擇。

  第一個P就是讓自己成為一個人，如果我經歷了困難，我遇到了挫折，第一步就是給自己許可證，也就是說接受這樣的感覺，接受這個困境，接受這個現實，事情已經發生，我對此甚麼也做不了，能夠改變的只有我對他的詮釋，這時我就會進入下一個層次。

  第二階段是重建，也就是積極的，這就是積極者。這其中有甚麼亮點呢？這其中有甚麼成長機會呢？所以如果經歷了困境，也許可以用佛教的眼光來看待，

「這是成長的工具，這可以幫助我更好好地了解自己和他人」，成為一個更好的教育工作者，諸如此類。再次發現失敗中的亮點，失敗中的機會。

  我們很少提到的一個非常重要的技巧，粗略提到的就是分心，將注意力轉向別處，這不一定是件好事，有時執著於分析每種情感，感覺和想法，是有害的，反覆思考不一定是有幫助的。有時最好的方法，就是當消極的想法，或負面情緒出現時，將我們的注意力轉到別處去，聽聽音樂，跑個步，和別人聊聊這個事或別的事。這和逃避是很不一樣的，因為這並不是說好吧，我一輩子不要再管這種事了，這只是說如果某種情緒或想法反覆出現，永遠都在徒勞的抗爭，把石頭推上去，然後又被推下來，上上下下。

  有時更好更有用的方法是，好吧！「我不要再反覆想了，這沒有意義。這神經通路在我腦海中太強烈了，不會有任何出路的。」然後說讓我繼續前進吧！讓我聽首好歌，讓我去跑步，讓我能真正忘記它。經常地，跑步能使我以全新的角度來看待這件事。

  最後，第三個P是指轉換角度，這真的很重要，別為小事傷神，一切皆是小事。我不完全同意後半句，「一切皆是小事」，但很顯然，很多生活中我們為之傷神的都是小事。要不為小事傷神，就要問一個簡單的問題，它在一年後會不會有影響？從長遠來看，它真的很重要嗎？它真的值得我去擔心焦慮？為之沮喪，為之焦慮嗎？它在一年之後真的有影響嗎？

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff

  This is a tool for growth; this will help me better understand myself as well as others .There are three Ps are the alternative.

  The first P is the Permission to be human. So if I experience a difficult experience, I have some…I go through a hard time. The first step is to give myself permission and that would mean accepting of the emotion, accepting that is difficult, accepting reality. Something just happened; there is nothing I can do about what had just happened. What can change is perhaps my interpretation of what had happened which is where I get to the next level.

 

  The Second Step, this is reframing, interpreting the situation as Positive. And that would be the benefit finder. What’s the silver lining here? What is the growth opportunity here? So if I am going through a very difficult time, perhaps look at it through the Buddhist perspective and say: “ well, this is a tool for growth; this will help me better understand myself as well as others, become a better educator, become a better business person, whatever it is. Seeing it again, the silver lining, the opportunity in failure.

  One very important technique that we didn’t talk about much, just in passing, is distracting, distraction, is looking toward other place. It’s not always good. In fact, sometimes detrimental to stay and analyze every single emotion, feeling, through that comes up. Ruminating in and of itself does not always help. Sometimes the best thing to do is when a negative thought comes up, or negative feeling comes up is to distract ourselves from it by, for example, going to listen to a piece of music, going for a run, talking to someone either about that or something else. Now this is very different from avoiding. Because it is not about saying, “all right, I am not going to deal with any of the issues in my life.” It’s just saying that if there is a recurrent thought or feeling, and I’m experiencing is Sisyphean battle against it-you know, pushing the stone up and being pushed down again, up and down again.

  Sometimes it is better, more helpful to just say, “ Ok, I’m not going to ruminate; it’s pointless. This neural in my mind is being so reinforced. It’s not going anywhere.” And then to say, “let me move on.” Let me listen to a nice piece of music. Let me go for a run that will really help get my mind off this.” And every often, what a run can do is also help me look at it in a different, through a different lens.

  And finally, the third P is about taking Perspective, this is really gonna matter. Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and it’s all Small Stuff. Now I don’t necessarily agree with the second-“ it’s all small stuff”, but certainly a lot of things that we sweat about in our lives are small stuff. Now the issue with not sweating the small stuff is asking a simple question: is this going to matter in a year? You know, in a large schema of things, does it really matter? Is it worth my worrying, and fretting, and being depressed and upset and anxious about this now? Is this really going to matter in a year?